I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dicks are not precious.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
