I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
