Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
