I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
