Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
