Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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