the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Operation Purity has been aborted
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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