So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
