ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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