Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
