Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
