I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
