I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
