I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
