I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
