i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
