What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
