meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
