A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
