Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
