It was like getting head from an anaconda
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
