My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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