I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
