He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
