Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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