I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
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No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
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the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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