The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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