I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
vagina is talking i cant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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