why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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