What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
