I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
