went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
