U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize