hotel room ftw
grandma shit on top of the toilet
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
