when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
