i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
