Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
