So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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