Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
