walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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