Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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