your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
