Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
