So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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