Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
smell my finger.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
