It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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