I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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