I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
