We're facebook friends in real life
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
