She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
