It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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