His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
