were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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