we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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