I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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