Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
