remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
