it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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