I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
