Where did you get a picture of my penis
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
