I haven't been this sober since birth.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
