Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
