ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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