I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
