I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
