listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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