Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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