i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
that is very illegal...i love you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
