i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
