Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize